According to our good friend Noah Webster Angry means- “a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad : the feeling that makes someone want to hurt other people, to shout, etc., a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism.”
Now, our spouse is the person we chose, they are our lover, life partner, confidant, best friend; the person we have committed to living a life full of love, adventure & contentment of mind with! What has happened that has brought about displeasure, annoyance, the feeling that makes someone want to hurt them? The harsh words, cold shoulders, disrespect, contempt? The kind of conduct that will ultimately lead to a life full of misery or an inevitable parting of ways, and yet another broken family. Where has all the anger come from?
As a recovering Anger Ball, I understand. I understand the disappointment, I understand the desire in wanting my husband to see me for the ridiculously cup full of awesomeness I am, I understand the constant need to present all the sacrifices I have made for this marriage, All the obstacles I have over come, all the work I have put in!!! And the frustration that comes about when we don’t feel all of what we do has been noted and appreciated!!!
I also understand cursing his arse out six ways to Sunday because I felt that was the only way for the “Ignant Ni&&%s” to hear me!!! But was my anger helping the relationship? Was it appealing when I acted other than my own fabulous self? Was I appealing to the God in him, to the God in me?
All that anger, all that resume yielding, all the Look At me, Look At me, I am special, I am necessary, I am awesome, Accept me, Acknowledge me, Praise me…LOVE ME!!! It is all for naught when we fail to do it for ourselves first! Why do we require a level of love from others that we have not given ourselves?
I know, I know, it’s his fault, and I am inclined to agree with you as you are my sister LOL. However, we are going to focus on what WE can change, and what WE can do better, it’s about SELF improvement, not everybodyelse improvement.
My cousin I get in the divorce once told me, “being upset does not excuse poor behavior, being upset does not give you license to say anything you want out of your mouth.” And she is so right, how many times have I had to apologize for hurtful things and used the excuse “I was mad!” If I had a dollar…We cannot take back the harmful and hurtful things we say in the heat of an argument, in our frustration in our PAIN. Pain being the operative word here, because when it comes down to it, all my angerballisms were due to pain, and it was easier for me to be mad then to admit vulnerability.
When we feel undervalued and unappreciated we can lash out in some unsavory ways sisters, in ways that only cool our spouse’s affections, in ways that do not show our best light, in ways that are so underdeveloped and ridamndiculous; that to expect any kind of loving, productive, and evolved response/result is insanity personified! It is not our purpose to bash our husband over the head with our resumes in hopes he will miraculously understand how valuable we are! Our purpose is to understand and develop ourselves and know our own value and worth!!!
Pray, Meditate, ask the universe to provide a lover that is prayerful, one you can be vulnerable with, one who is caring, compassionate, loving, attentive, nurturing, protective, sexy, wonderful, giving, exciting, lively, kind, charitable, passionate, skilled, communicative, disciplined. But more importantly…BE ALL THOSE THINGS!!!! Pray and meditate on being what you seek!!! We want to skirt pass prayer because we think its passive, but its NOT!!! PRAYER works, the husband I have today is NOT the man I married honey chile! (honey chile was funny, Teheheheheheheheheee) #idigress
Challenge yourself to get past the anger and deal with the pain, the disappointment, the judgment, the ego, and find the love, the forgiveness, the acceptance, the irresistible woman he fell in love with! BURN the resume we feel compelled to pull out to prove our worthiness…you already got the JOB, You’re his wife, He chose you, Now YOU choose YOU!!!
One of things I have stressed and will forever stress is this: You are worthy, you are awesome, you are loving, you are powerful, you are gracious, you are feminine, you are a brilliant, magical, walking miracle! And your partner will see that just as soon as you do, and begin walking in that truth!!!!!
In All Things Passionate
Stay Tuned for new post in the Angry Wife Series Next Week!
Written by: Reah Idris
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